because I loved you...

I knew the hurt of my past would send me down some deep dark roads. I knew there was forgiveness to give and forgiveness to seek. And I knew there were unanswered questions to address. But Father, I never expected I would need to forgive You.

However, everything that happens goes through Your hands.  Thus, I was forced to face the reality that a Father who loves me allowed me to be broken in a way that would take years, decades even for me to recover. So I asked why? Knowing it was well within Your right not to answer, but praying insight would come. For I feared I would be unable to forgive without some form of understanding as to why the pain and suffering were destined to me.

And then ever so softly I heard You whisper – because I loved you. You see Satan beat you, gagged you, and threw you into the water to die. But I was already sitting on the ocean floor waiting…. arms wide open… ready to become the sustaining force in your life. There was no air to breathe so I became your breath. The salt water forced your eyes closed so I became your sight. Your ears filled with water so all you could hear was My voice. I knew what Satan meant to hurt you I could use for good; in and through you. The pain did go through my hands and I did allow it. Why? because I loved you

And in that moment I realized I didn’t need to forgive You. There was nothing to forgive. For I can’t imagine anything less than what we now have. A relationship based solely on the protection, trust, hope and eternality of Your love for me. And if, for me, tragedy is the road leading to this life with You then I will gladly walk down it again.