Forgive Me

Dear Lord-

I don’t know how to do this. I don’t know how to be the person You want me to be. It seems so easy. You give me direction and I follow. And yet it’s so hard. Life gets in the way. My thoughts get in the way. Self doubt, disbelief, and all the naysayers keep me from performing the simplest of acts of obedience.

You give me glimpses of what your love looks like. You show me visions of a life with You. And I believe them in the moment. But the road that takes me to that life is filled with thorn trees and fires and storms. And, while the destination looks more beautiful than anything I’ve ever seen, the path to get there is scarier and harder than anything I’ve ever faced before. Yet on the other side of the street the path is clear. It’s paved and swept and neatly arranged so as to prevent any conflicts. But where it leads is a barren land filled with sorrow and regret.

The choice should be easy. It’s not. I’m standing here now with a clear view of both roads and both destinations and yet I don’t know which one to take. But I can’t walk in the street anymore. I’ve reached a dead end and the only way to continue is to choose a path.

I want to take the tough road… the one that leads to happiness and a life with You. But I fear I’ll lose the fight before I arrive at the destination. I know I can walk down the clearer path, but I fear I will drown in misery once I reach the end. I dare not ask for guidance because I already know the answer. I dare not ask for more time because I can see my time is up. Thus I simply ask for forgiveness.

Forgive me Father for either I will leave Your side for easier times or I will walk alongside You filled with fear and doubt.  

Either way I expose the truth of who I am.