Remembering Rock Bottom

I don’t shy away from talking about my experiences with attempting suicide. It is a very real part of my youth. However, this past week reminded me of what rock bottom looks like. Dreams were shattered. Hopes were lost. Plans for the future destroyed. And, meaningful relationships injured. All within a matter of a few days.

It was more than I was prepared to handle. I found it difficult to even get off my couch. Literally. I had to will myself just to go to work. And I returned home only to return to my couch and wrap myself in a pool of tears. Despite all the reasons for me to be filled with joy... the disappointment, sadness and hurt was winning.

I could hear God calling me, Sami come talk to me. Sami engage in worship. Sami just read my word. Open the door and I will come get you. But the door felt too heavy to open. Slowly, but surely I found myself living in the enemy’s playground and going even deeper into despair. But my foundation is stronger as an adult. So when my thoughts went too far they hit truth that wasn’t there before. And that truth said...

~ Enough, you were fearfully and wonderfully made, in the image of God. Cast all your anxiety on Him. For, it is God who justifies. And Jesus is at His right hand interceding for you. Who shall separate you from the love of Christ?

And then the door opened.

I don’t share this to boast or brag, get attention, or even solicit prayers or empathy... I share it to say two things: First, it doesn’t take long periods of time for a person to hit rock bottom. The right events, at the right time, can send someone from 100 to 0 almost instantly. Therefore, secondly, know the people you care about. Know their patterns, their eating habits, their personality and recognize when those things change. Your awareness and love just could help them find their way out of the darkness that has overtaken them. Suicide is real and it only takes one attempt to lose a loved one to depression.